end of the summer

I have had the "I should write a blog post" thought many times this summer, but it has been a busy summer, and the list of things to blog about has just gotten longer and longer (and more daunting). At this point the thought goes, "I should write a post about my trip to New York and my trip to Uganda and seeing James Taylor at Tanglewood on the 4rd of July and the other trip to New York for the wedding with all my college friends and the 10 days in Mexico City for the International AIDS Conference and the week in Yellowstone and my 30th birthday and our little trip up the Maine coast and our first anniversary." And even that is leaving out a whole lot of work drama, visits from J's parents and other friends, an orphan update, and lots of lots of pictures that I hope someday to upload.

I am having the typical end of the summer feeling of "where has it all gone?" Summer is my favorite season because the sun shines and the world is beautiful and there is lots of juicy fruit and other good things to eat and it means time with family and my birthday (as of this year, my birthday and my anniversary) and life slows down. Or it's supposed to. I'm not sure it ever slowed down this summer.

Today I nearly cried realizing that I have three whole weekends of weekend guests in Sept. I love having guests and these are all people I madly want to spend time with, so it's very exciting. Just a bit overwhelming when I consider what a mess my house is. The only way I managed to get the house presentable last night for dinner guests was by basically shoveling all the stuff sitting around on the couch, on the dining room table, and in various other places around the apartment, into the big plastic laundry basket. Which I actually need to do laundry, which I haven't done in over a month. In order to do laundry I need to actually unpack the suitcases from my last trip, which as of now are still sitting in the hall. Oh bother.

Right now I am sitting on the couch (which I can actually sit on again without having to shove stuff aside, which is very nice) and just feeling very emotional. Summer ending, life feeling unmanageable, I just caught up on the adventures of my dear Carolyn who is saving babies at a mission hospital in Kenya (warning, some of the babies die, and her blog will make you cry) and my heart is seriously breaking for a friend or two right now. So much so that I have been forgetting to eat, which is weird, as if there is one thing I never lose it is my appetite. Life is painful and at times horrible, no doubt about it. I guess the upshot of realizing that other people have real problems is realizing that I don't have real problems, not really, even if my life feels like a bit of a disaster at the amount.

J and I are taking this weekend as a "retreat" (although we are not leaving the apartment)-- to talk through our first year, talk about year two, go through some marriage-building questions and conversation-starters in a book we have, and sort through some big questions about choices, priorities, direction. Please pray for us if you think about it!