Someone in my life is involved in a network of addicts and former addicts, and I hear their stories from time to time. Many happy stories, but also some that will break your heart. One particular man has been hitting rock bottom again and again in the last few months. This man seems to have come to know Jesus, but yet the addiction kept reaching out of his past to grab him, to hurtle him (literally stark raving mad, a man who no longer knows his own name) into disaster and danger of every kind. It is a miracle he is still alive. He has lost his family, career, everything. He feels abandoned by God, wonders why coming to God hasn't broken his addiction. I too wonder where God is in this story. My friend is not a believer, and I keep thinking about what kind of witness this is to him, what kind of God he is seeing in this story, as this man's faith doesn't seem to be able to save him. I have wanted to believe that this man's horrible experience is just a longer, more round-about road to a greater miracle and a greater witness-- but lately, it hasn't been looking that way.
But just now I got an email from my friend that this man has now been clean for 6 weeks. I cried when I read it. He seems to be returning to his right mind, and picking up the pieces. Maybe his miracle finally has arrived.
Would you pray for this man, that this time his health and sanity would be truly restored to him, permanently? And as we gather tomorrow to celebrate our abundance of blessings, let's remember to pray for those whose lives are in crisis, and who need a miracle.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
miso noodles and Sabbath thoughts
It's the kind of dark winter night where I feel like it's nearly bedtime, but it's actually not even 6 p.m. I really don't like these long winter nights, and the situation is not helped by the fact that we are not allowed to have candles in our seminary housing and most of our apartment is quite dark (no overhead lighting and we don't have very many lamps). But a few days ago I did get three little electric "candles" which are shining in my window and making me think maybe I like these dark winter nights a little. And my belly is full of nice noodles and I think I may be headed to bed quite soon, so it's a cozy kind of night.
The Sabbath thoughts came from yesterday but I never had a chance to write about it. I guess my Sabbaths have not been very restful lately. I was kneeling at the communion rail yesterday, cupping my hands to receive the little wafer, in that stillness which is unique to the Eucharist and nothing else, and I was thinking about something J had said about the Sabbath the week before. It was something he'd heard at chapel, a chapel I had really wanted to go to (knowing it was going to be on the Sabbath) but it was one of those weeks. I had a very long day in Boston on Monday, didn't get back until nearly 9, then had an overnighter to New York on Wed-Thurs, and Tues and Fri were mostly spent trying to recover from the travel. On Saturday we had a very fun date day in Boston (went on a "murder mystery" at the Museum of Fine Arts, out to this cute restaurant I've been eyeing for a couple years)-- but I was tired. And by Sunday morning, trying to sing through an whole lot of music (it was Christ the King Sunday, last Sunday of the liturgical year, so the choir had all kinds of extra pieces) I was really tired. Trying to keep my eyes open tired. Kneeling at the communion rail in exhaustion tired.
This is what J said that struck me as so wonderful. In the Old Testament the Sabbath is the last day of the week, a day for resting from all the work and toil. But according to the professor who was speaking, the Sabbath, after Jesus came, is quite different. It is the first day of the week. And if we are to take Hebrews 4 seriously, it is something that Christ gives us, something we enter, a gift, something we receive through faith. Furthermore, Hebrews tells us that Christ's work has been finished since the creation of the world. The work is Christ's, and He already did it, and so we receive His rest and enter our weeks ready to live and serve and do all our daily holy things (like work) out of the rest that He has given us. Not to say that we still don't need a day to pause, worship, receive the rest, and not work: "here remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God, for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work." But what a difference to know that just like I am called to love out of the love with which God has loved me and give out of the bounty he has bestowed on me, I am called to work out of a position of rest that has also come to me, free and undeserved, from God.
I don't quite know what this means for me on a busy Sunday when we had to stay late at church for Joel to work on a men's quartet and then I only had a few hours before going to see a movie with my friends from this end of the hall (I admit it, we saw the Twilight movie) and I had to cook lunch and spend some time updating the orphans' website that I haven't updated since April and when I came home it was right to work (my Sabbath being over) and I was literally up all night. Ugh. I know that I need to keep working on greater discipline in my work life, so that I don't end up pulling two all nighters within three weeks (these darn Monday morning deadlines). I know I have a long ways to go in having the kind of balance and rest I want in my life. But what a wonderful thing that God has called me to a day of worship and rest each Sunday so that I can receive the rest I need to get through the week.
Usually cooking is my therapy (very comforting to just stand at the counter and chop onions when my brain is worn out with all the complexity of the world)-- but the last couple days I have really not wanted to cook. So here's what I have been cooking when I didn't feel like cooking, easy one-pot half-hour things. Something old and something new.
Pasta with Onions and Bacon
This is a great dish for when we don't have a whole lot in the house, like yesterday. It's kind of magic how a few ingredients could taste so good-- J actually ate the whole pot of pasta yesterday, no leftovers. I freeze bacon in 1/4 lb. portions and then I have it when I need a little bacon for something-- bacon goes in so many things.
1/4 lb. bacon, chopped cross-wise into 1/2" strips
1 large onion or 2 small onions, diced or cut into thin slices
2 cloves garlic, minced (optional)
1 28 oz can diced tomatoes
salt and pepper
1 lb pasta
Start your pasta water. Throw the bacon in a pan over medium heat and let it cook, stirring once in a while, until some of the fat has rendered and it is starting to turn golden. Then add the onions and and garlic and cook some more over medium heat until the onions are translucent and starting to brown. Add the tomatoes and let simmer. Put the pasta in the water. By the time the pasta is done your sauce will be too. Season to taste and serve with Parmesan.
Miso Noodles with Chicken and Cabbage
This was a new one tonight. I started with a stir fry recipe, didn't want to wait for rice to cook, so doubled the sauce and added noodles. I love slurpy Asian noodles, and these weren't going to win any beauty pageant, but they were really good. Miso is a fermented soybean paste-- I know it doesn't sound like something you would want to eat, but trust me, it has a great flavor, is a great "hidden" ingredient in things, and a jar will never go bad. Mine has been living in my fridge for a couple years now. There are all different shades of miso paste and I think they are pretty much interchangeable-- the recipe called for golden and that is what I had.
... And now, still shy of 7, I am going to bed.
The Sabbath thoughts came from yesterday but I never had a chance to write about it. I guess my Sabbaths have not been very restful lately. I was kneeling at the communion rail yesterday, cupping my hands to receive the little wafer, in that stillness which is unique to the Eucharist and nothing else, and I was thinking about something J had said about the Sabbath the week before. It was something he'd heard at chapel, a chapel I had really wanted to go to (knowing it was going to be on the Sabbath) but it was one of those weeks. I had a very long day in Boston on Monday, didn't get back until nearly 9, then had an overnighter to New York on Wed-Thurs, and Tues and Fri were mostly spent trying to recover from the travel. On Saturday we had a very fun date day in Boston (went on a "murder mystery" at the Museum of Fine Arts, out to this cute restaurant I've been eyeing for a couple years)-- but I was tired. And by Sunday morning, trying to sing through an whole lot of music (it was Christ the King Sunday, last Sunday of the liturgical year, so the choir had all kinds of extra pieces) I was really tired. Trying to keep my eyes open tired. Kneeling at the communion rail in exhaustion tired.
This is what J said that struck me as so wonderful. In the Old Testament the Sabbath is the last day of the week, a day for resting from all the work and toil. But according to the professor who was speaking, the Sabbath, after Jesus came, is quite different. It is the first day of the week. And if we are to take Hebrews 4 seriously, it is something that Christ gives us, something we enter, a gift, something we receive through faith. Furthermore, Hebrews tells us that Christ's work has been finished since the creation of the world. The work is Christ's, and He already did it, and so we receive His rest and enter our weeks ready to live and serve and do all our daily holy things (like work) out of the rest that He has given us. Not to say that we still don't need a day to pause, worship, receive the rest, and not work: "here remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God, for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work." But what a difference to know that just like I am called to love out of the love with which God has loved me and give out of the bounty he has bestowed on me, I am called to work out of a position of rest that has also come to me, free and undeserved, from God.
I don't quite know what this means for me on a busy Sunday when we had to stay late at church for Joel to work on a men's quartet and then I only had a few hours before going to see a movie with my friends from this end of the hall (I admit it, we saw the Twilight movie) and I had to cook lunch and spend some time updating the orphans' website that I haven't updated since April and when I came home it was right to work (my Sabbath being over) and I was literally up all night. Ugh. I know that I need to keep working on greater discipline in my work life, so that I don't end up pulling two all nighters within three weeks (these darn Monday morning deadlines). I know I have a long ways to go in having the kind of balance and rest I want in my life. But what a wonderful thing that God has called me to a day of worship and rest each Sunday so that I can receive the rest I need to get through the week.
Usually cooking is my therapy (very comforting to just stand at the counter and chop onions when my brain is worn out with all the complexity of the world)-- but the last couple days I have really not wanted to cook. So here's what I have been cooking when I didn't feel like cooking, easy one-pot half-hour things. Something old and something new.
Pasta with Onions and Bacon
This is a great dish for when we don't have a whole lot in the house, like yesterday. It's kind of magic how a few ingredients could taste so good-- J actually ate the whole pot of pasta yesterday, no leftovers. I freeze bacon in 1/4 lb. portions and then I have it when I need a little bacon for something-- bacon goes in so many things.
1/4 lb. bacon, chopped cross-wise into 1/2" strips
1 large onion or 2 small onions, diced or cut into thin slices
2 cloves garlic, minced (optional)
1 28 oz can diced tomatoes
salt and pepper
1 lb pasta
Start your pasta water. Throw the bacon in a pan over medium heat and let it cook, stirring once in a while, until some of the fat has rendered and it is starting to turn golden. Then add the onions and and garlic and cook some more over medium heat until the onions are translucent and starting to brown. Add the tomatoes and let simmer. Put the pasta in the water. By the time the pasta is done your sauce will be too. Season to taste and serve with Parmesan.
Miso Noodles with Chicken and Cabbage
This was a new one tonight. I started with a stir fry recipe, didn't want to wait for rice to cook, so doubled the sauce and added noodles. I love slurpy Asian noodles, and these weren't going to win any beauty pageant, but they were really good. Miso is a fermented soybean paste-- I know it doesn't sound like something you would want to eat, but trust me, it has a great flavor, is a great "hidden" ingredient in things, and a jar will never go bad. Mine has been living in my fridge for a couple years now. There are all different shades of miso paste and I think they are pretty much interchangeable-- the recipe called for golden and that is what I had.
- handful or two of dried shitake mushrooms
- 1 lb. noodles (I used udon, which are thick Asian noodles, but I'm sure you could use spaghetti or angel hair)
- 1/3 c. light (golden) miso paste
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 2 t. sesame oil
- 1 c. chicken broth
- 1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breast or thigh, cut into bite-sized pieces
- 3 T. oil
- 1/4 c. minced fresh ginger
- 1 head napa cabbage, sliced thinly (I think you want about 2 lbs, it will look like a lot but it cooks down a lot)
- 1 c. daikon, in matchsticks (you could leave this out, but it's really nice-- it's a big white Asian radish)
- 1 bunch scallions, thinly sliced
... And now, still shy of 7, I am going to bed.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
proud shopper
Look at what I got for $24.04... most of it going to the food pantry.
Feeling proud. :)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Coupon Crazy
I have never been a coupon user. Even when I used to live in a household that got a paper (and that would be many years ago), combing through those glossy inserts, clipping and organizing little slips of paper, and then finding them when I needed them just seemed like way too much trouble for 50 cents. Plus I don't eat much cereal, and very little processed food (with the exception of the Great Cheese Curl Pig-Out last week), so there aren't many coupons out there for things I actually use.
But last week I stumbled upon an article that got my attention. I love 'most anything on Slate.com (including the couple hours of podcasts on finance, politics, and culture I devour each week)-- but coupon-clipping suburbanites aren't quite their demographic, so I was intrigued. The article led me to a blog, where I became even more intrigued. (I admit to being on said blog last night at midnight, looking for her weekly run-down of specials, impatiently wondering Why hasn't she posted it yet?) Getting perfectly good stuff for free? A carefully planned strategy designed to outsmart the system? These things appeal to me.
As much as I have eschewed coupons, few things get me more excited than a good deal. I knew one of my new neighbors was a kindred spirit when (after an acquaintance of a few days) she excitedly showed me her new bargains from the Gap, told me what percentage they were marked down, and told me that she always makes her husband guess how much the item was originally and how much she paid for it. I don't quite go that far, but I do gloat about my deals to anyone who cares to listen. I rarely buy clothes that aren't at least 75% off. I comb through TJ Maxx's housing goods section for fancy expensive things that have been priced by people who didn't know they were fancy and expensive. (I bought some Laguiole steak knives there last year, and I didn't even know about Laguiole knives, just that they were expensive. I have a good eye for expensive things.) I take out new credit cards once or twice a year so I can get a free airline ticket or $100 off U2 tickets. (No, my credit is not terrible.)
And grocery shopping-- I truly enjoy grocery shopping. I can't wait until the new grocery circular comes out each week so I can plan my menu for the week, and I am shamelessly excited of how much I save on all those buy-one-get-one deals, not to mention when some nice protein is on sale and gets marked down because it is nearly expired-- this happened last week to organic chicken drumsticks and I bought four packages. (I am always bemoaning my lack of freezer space.) Even more exciting, my main grocery store here marks down a lot of perfectly nice produce, allowing me to buy a couple pounds of baby zucchini, strawberries or tomatoes (in winter!) for a song. As I recently hulled some slightly past prime strawberries to stick in the freezer for my smoothies, I reflected that considering how much I make hourly as a consultant and that I currently have a contract where I can work basically as much as I want, I would be far better off doing paid work than chasing deals, but hey, I enjoy it.
So, the new couponing obsession. In the last week I have entered a whole new world of printable online coupons (which I hardly knew existed), "catalinas" (to be explained), stackable deals (use a coupon and get a rebate on something that's already on sale), and wow, I am hooked. Once again, I'm not sure it is worth my time to spend two hours poring over coupons and planning my strategy (as I did this afternoon) to save twenty bucks at the grocery store-- but I have been working extremely hard the last couple days and needed something that didn't require a fully awake brain and promised instant gratification. This getting something for nothing thing really has me excited.
I actually got money back on Chex snack mix today. And paid under a dollar for a 1.5 pint carton of Breyer's ice cream. (Isn't it weird how ice cream now comes in 1.5 pint ice cream containers rather than half gallons?) This is how it works (prepare to be proselytized).
Jewel-Osco (known as Shaw's/Star Market out here, Albertson's back in Oregon, who knows what else in other parts of the country) is currently having a deal in which you can get $15 in store credit if you spend $30 on certain items. (These store credit vouchers, which print out at the register, are oddly knows as "catalinas" in the couponing world. You see, they even have their own lingo, those couponers.) The trick is that you want to buy something that is already on sale, then use a coupon, double it if possible, and because the pre-coupon price is applied to the $30 goal, once the coupon is applied an item can even be free, as my Chex snack mix was. (You bet I had a good time crunching these numbers!)
Exhibit A: 8.75 oz bag Chex snack mix. Regularly $2.69, on sale this week for $1.69, and I had a $0.50 coupon (actually a number of coupons, one for each bag), which were doubled. But, it also contributes towards the catalina deal, which is like getting it half off the pre-coupon price. $1.69- $0.84- $1.00 = $0.16 I earned on each bag! (I know, who cares about 16 cents, but it's more the idea of it.)
Exhibit B: Breyer's ice cream. Regularly $5.79, on sale for $2.99, I had a buy 2/$1 off coupon (which I couldn't double), and then of course it counted towards the catalinas. $2.99- $1.49 - $0.50 (half the coupon) = $0.99. Such a deal!!
Granted, I bought some things I didn't really need today-- 3 cans of Progresso soup for $0.38/each (probably still not as cheap, or good, as soup I could make myself!), some new fancy Yoplait yogurt-trying-to-be-dessert things for $0.25 for a 4-pack, Pillsbury Toaster Pastry (Joel was excited) for $0.99.
They were actually out of a number of things I was planning to buy (Cheerios for $0.44/box, Progresso chicken broth for $0.24/quart)... so I may be out of luck on those. But still, I want to go back and try it again just because it was so fun. As I was perusing the list of items included in this deal suddenly it occurred to me-- why not buy a bunch of stuff for a food pantry! (Actually, the Super Couponer whose blog I linked to suggests donating extra items-- but I had never thought of doing a shopping trip just to buy food for food pantries.) The holidays are coming up, I know a lot of people are struggling this year, and there are a lot of things in that deal which I won't eat (frosting in a can, scalloped potatoes in a box), but someone will probably be really happy to have. If I can get Betty Crocker frosting for $0.35, Betty Crocker cookie mix and scalloped potatoes for $0.35, rice and noodle mixes for $0.17, and some more of those free Chex mixes-- I call that a win-win!
But last week I stumbled upon an article that got my attention. I love 'most anything on Slate.com (including the couple hours of podcasts on finance, politics, and culture I devour each week)-- but coupon-clipping suburbanites aren't quite their demographic, so I was intrigued. The article led me to a blog, where I became even more intrigued. (I admit to being on said blog last night at midnight, looking for her weekly run-down of specials, impatiently wondering Why hasn't she posted it yet?) Getting perfectly good stuff for free? A carefully planned strategy designed to outsmart the system? These things appeal to me.
As much as I have eschewed coupons, few things get me more excited than a good deal. I knew one of my new neighbors was a kindred spirit when (after an acquaintance of a few days) she excitedly showed me her new bargains from the Gap, told me what percentage they were marked down, and told me that she always makes her husband guess how much the item was originally and how much she paid for it. I don't quite go that far, but I do gloat about my deals to anyone who cares to listen. I rarely buy clothes that aren't at least 75% off. I comb through TJ Maxx's housing goods section for fancy expensive things that have been priced by people who didn't know they were fancy and expensive. (I bought some Laguiole steak knives there last year, and I didn't even know about Laguiole knives, just that they were expensive. I have a good eye for expensive things.) I take out new credit cards once or twice a year so I can get a free airline ticket or $100 off U2 tickets. (No, my credit is not terrible.)
And grocery shopping-- I truly enjoy grocery shopping. I can't wait until the new grocery circular comes out each week so I can plan my menu for the week, and I am shamelessly excited of how much I save on all those buy-one-get-one deals, not to mention when some nice protein is on sale and gets marked down because it is nearly expired-- this happened last week to organic chicken drumsticks and I bought four packages. (I am always bemoaning my lack of freezer space.) Even more exciting, my main grocery store here marks down a lot of perfectly nice produce, allowing me to buy a couple pounds of baby zucchini, strawberries or tomatoes (in winter!) for a song. As I recently hulled some slightly past prime strawberries to stick in the freezer for my smoothies, I reflected that considering how much I make hourly as a consultant and that I currently have a contract where I can work basically as much as I want, I would be far better off doing paid work than chasing deals, but hey, I enjoy it.
So, the new couponing obsession. In the last week I have entered a whole new world of printable online coupons (which I hardly knew existed), "catalinas" (to be explained), stackable deals (use a coupon and get a rebate on something that's already on sale), and wow, I am hooked. Once again, I'm not sure it is worth my time to spend two hours poring over coupons and planning my strategy (as I did this afternoon) to save twenty bucks at the grocery store-- but I have been working extremely hard the last couple days and needed something that didn't require a fully awake brain and promised instant gratification. This getting something for nothing thing really has me excited.
I actually got money back on Chex snack mix today. And paid under a dollar for a 1.5 pint carton of Breyer's ice cream. (Isn't it weird how ice cream now comes in 1.5 pint ice cream containers rather than half gallons?) This is how it works (prepare to be proselytized).
Jewel-Osco (known as Shaw's/Star Market out here, Albertson's back in Oregon, who knows what else in other parts of the country) is currently having a deal in which you can get $15 in store credit if you spend $30 on certain items. (These store credit vouchers, which print out at the register, are oddly knows as "catalinas" in the couponing world. You see, they even have their own lingo, those couponers.) The trick is that you want to buy something that is already on sale, then use a coupon, double it if possible, and because the pre-coupon price is applied to the $30 goal, once the coupon is applied an item can even be free, as my Chex snack mix was. (You bet I had a good time crunching these numbers!)
Exhibit A: 8.75 oz bag Chex snack mix. Regularly $2.69, on sale this week for $1.69, and I had a $0.50 coupon (actually a number of coupons, one for each bag), which were doubled. But, it also contributes towards the catalina deal, which is like getting it half off the pre-coupon price. $1.69- $0.84- $1.00 = $0.16 I earned on each bag! (I know, who cares about 16 cents, but it's more the idea of it.)
Exhibit B: Breyer's ice cream. Regularly $5.79, on sale for $2.99, I had a buy 2/$1 off coupon (which I couldn't double), and then of course it counted towards the catalinas. $2.99- $1.49 - $0.50 (half the coupon) = $0.99. Such a deal!!
Granted, I bought some things I didn't really need today-- 3 cans of Progresso soup for $0.38/each (probably still not as cheap, or good, as soup I could make myself!), some new fancy Yoplait yogurt-trying-to-be-dessert things for $0.25 for a 4-pack, Pillsbury Toaster Pastry (Joel was excited) for $0.99.
They were actually out of a number of things I was planning to buy (Cheerios for $0.44/box, Progresso chicken broth for $0.24/quart)... so I may be out of luck on those. But still, I want to go back and try it again just because it was so fun. As I was perusing the list of items included in this deal suddenly it occurred to me-- why not buy a bunch of stuff for a food pantry! (Actually, the Super Couponer whose blog I linked to suggests donating extra items-- but I had never thought of doing a shopping trip just to buy food for food pantries.) The holidays are coming up, I know a lot of people are struggling this year, and there are a lot of things in that deal which I won't eat (frosting in a can, scalloped potatoes in a box), but someone will probably be really happy to have. If I can get Betty Crocker frosting for $0.35, Betty Crocker cookie mix and scalloped potatoes for $0.35, rice and noodle mixes for $0.17, and some more of those free Chex mixes-- I call that a win-win!
Friday, November 6, 2009
wacky week
It has just been one of those really wacky weeks. The weeks where I find myself out-of-sorts, restless, bored, unable to concentrate on work, and up til all hours doing who knows what because although I am plenty tired I can't sleep. And when I do sleep it's these ultra-vivid and terribly strange dreams that have been plaguing me the last year or so (fibromyalgia comes with serious sleep issues)-- last night I dreamt that we had a baby only it was a cat (for hours on end) and then eventually it was a baby. There is this whole other world that lurks in my sub-conscious, and I just don't get it.
So maybe if I write a bit it will help me to unwind some of the stuff in my head. For sure I have been incredibly distressed about a friend-- a dear friend who is in a situation so tragic and painful that every time I think about it, even start to imagine myself in her shoes, I feel like my heart is physically being torn out and I just cry. Many tears this week-- for all the brokenness and fallenness and things you never thought would happen to good friends of your who love Jesus and seem to have great lives... until something horrible happens. So many things I don't understand.
Last Sunday we celebrated All Souls Day (and All Saints Day, but I missed that service)-- another cause for somber, if not altogether sad, thoughts. J and I have joined the amazing choir at our new church-- we love the church and it is just pure delight to get to sing real music under a phenomenal director with a very fun and close-knit group of people. (Such traditions as going out for a pint after Thurs night practice, and choir backrubs.) I hadn't realized how much I missed making music-- nor how rusty I am when it comes to those pesky fourths, minding my consonants, not breathing in the middle of the phrase, and trying to read in Latin while singing in sixteenth notes. Wow.
We sang an entire requiem last Sunday night-- one that Joel and I (and the rest of the choir) had had all of 3 weeks to get acquainted with. There is a backstory to the short timeline-- this church just started meeting a month ago, after splitting off from an established Episcopal Church (with the rector and a number of clergy, plus a good part of the congregation). Did you know as of this summer there is now an Anglican Church in North America? But back to our choir-- we were thrown into this nearly hour-long piece of music, which was fast and in Latin and just quite challenging. I can't say I sang every note perfectly last Sunday night, but hearing that glorious sound pour out of the choir and my little voice a part of it was just sooo much fun. I highly recommend Cherubini's Requiem in C Minor-- beautiful and powerful music. (And I have not been able to get it out of my head all week...)
The very notion of a requiem, and a day to remember those who have died, is really foreign to us practical Americans. But one thing I really like about the Anglican Church is that they have rites for everything-- and I am glad they make a place in their worship to remember the dead. I had one startling moment, as they were reading dozens of names of those who had died (loved ones of people in the congregation, although Teddy Kennedy also came up!)-- when I thought I heard the name of my great uncle Ellis, who just recently died. I later found out that the name was actually Alice, not Ellis, Roberts. (Alice Roberts is also a relation of mine, my great-grandma and partial namesake!) I had been so intrigued by the thought that someone in the congregation had known him and requested his name to be read. (I would have submitted his name had I known I could do so, but I didn't.) In the process of trying to track down the mystery I ended up talking to a woman who recognized my last name and turned out to be J's aunt's college roommate-- so you see it is a small world. But even thought Ellis wasn't publicly acknowledged the service was still a meaningful time for me to remember the people I love who are gone-- and rejoice (because that is also part of the service) that they aren't really dead, but just passed on to another kind of life, waiting for us to pass through the veil as well. These profound mysteries. Another thing I like about the Anglican church is the icons-- which remind you of those dead-but-not-dead saints, still with us in a way.
So, a week of crying, reflections on death (I can't get away from it-- an NPR podcast I caught up with today informed me that in Europe they celebrate Nov 1 by having picnics on their ancestors' graves)... and we have been sick. Joel has been in bed for most of 2 days, which is so unusual for him, and I have also been feeling lousy, though much less unusual for me (and I haven't been knocked quite so flat). And I munched through an entire back of flourescent orange cheese puff whatever-those-things-are-supposed-to-be-- in 2 days-- which is enough to make one feel tremendously gross. I never eat stuff like that. I never have stuff like that in the house. But in a moment of weakness (on an endless grocery run in which I left my wallet at home, had to spend half on hour going back to get it, went to three different stores, etc.) I bought that silly bag of junk, and couldn't kick the craving for a food I don't even really like. As I said, it's been a wacky week.
Tomorrow I am going into Boston for a dentist appointment and to breakfast and lunch with a couple friends-- so hopefully a change of pace (and lunch at a swanky restaurant at which I have a fantastic coupon) will cheer me up. Then off to a 24 hour women's retreat-- also looking forward to that. I can't even remember the last time I went on a retreat like this!
So maybe if I write a bit it will help me to unwind some of the stuff in my head. For sure I have been incredibly distressed about a friend-- a dear friend who is in a situation so tragic and painful that every time I think about it, even start to imagine myself in her shoes, I feel like my heart is physically being torn out and I just cry. Many tears this week-- for all the brokenness and fallenness and things you never thought would happen to good friends of your who love Jesus and seem to have great lives... until something horrible happens. So many things I don't understand.
Last Sunday we celebrated All Souls Day (and All Saints Day, but I missed that service)-- another cause for somber, if not altogether sad, thoughts. J and I have joined the amazing choir at our new church-- we love the church and it is just pure delight to get to sing real music under a phenomenal director with a very fun and close-knit group of people. (Such traditions as going out for a pint after Thurs night practice, and choir backrubs.) I hadn't realized how much I missed making music-- nor how rusty I am when it comes to those pesky fourths, minding my consonants, not breathing in the middle of the phrase, and trying to read in Latin while singing in sixteenth notes. Wow.
We sang an entire requiem last Sunday night-- one that Joel and I (and the rest of the choir) had had all of 3 weeks to get acquainted with. There is a backstory to the short timeline-- this church just started meeting a month ago, after splitting off from an established Episcopal Church (with the rector and a number of clergy, plus a good part of the congregation). Did you know as of this summer there is now an Anglican Church in North America? But back to our choir-- we were thrown into this nearly hour-long piece of music, which was fast and in Latin and just quite challenging. I can't say I sang every note perfectly last Sunday night, but hearing that glorious sound pour out of the choir and my little voice a part of it was just sooo much fun. I highly recommend Cherubini's Requiem in C Minor-- beautiful and powerful music. (And I have not been able to get it out of my head all week...)
The very notion of a requiem, and a day to remember those who have died, is really foreign to us practical Americans. But one thing I really like about the Anglican Church is that they have rites for everything-- and I am glad they make a place in their worship to remember the dead. I had one startling moment, as they were reading dozens of names of those who had died (loved ones of people in the congregation, although Teddy Kennedy also came up!)-- when I thought I heard the name of my great uncle Ellis, who just recently died. I later found out that the name was actually Alice, not Ellis, Roberts. (Alice Roberts is also a relation of mine, my great-grandma and partial namesake!) I had been so intrigued by the thought that someone in the congregation had known him and requested his name to be read. (I would have submitted his name had I known I could do so, but I didn't.) In the process of trying to track down the mystery I ended up talking to a woman who recognized my last name and turned out to be J's aunt's college roommate-- so you see it is a small world. But even thought Ellis wasn't publicly acknowledged the service was still a meaningful time for me to remember the people I love who are gone-- and rejoice (because that is also part of the service) that they aren't really dead, but just passed on to another kind of life, waiting for us to pass through the veil as well. These profound mysteries. Another thing I like about the Anglican church is the icons-- which remind you of those dead-but-not-dead saints, still with us in a way.
So, a week of crying, reflections on death (I can't get away from it-- an NPR podcast I caught up with today informed me that in Europe they celebrate Nov 1 by having picnics on their ancestors' graves)... and we have been sick. Joel has been in bed for most of 2 days, which is so unusual for him, and I have also been feeling lousy, though much less unusual for me (and I haven't been knocked quite so flat). And I munched through an entire back of flourescent orange cheese puff whatever-those-things-are-supposed-to-be-- in 2 days-- which is enough to make one feel tremendously gross. I never eat stuff like that. I never have stuff like that in the house. But in a moment of weakness (on an endless grocery run in which I left my wallet at home, had to spend half on hour going back to get it, went to three different stores, etc.) I bought that silly bag of junk, and couldn't kick the craving for a food I don't even really like. As I said, it's been a wacky week.
Tomorrow I am going into Boston for a dentist appointment and to breakfast and lunch with a couple friends-- so hopefully a change of pace (and lunch at a swanky restaurant at which I have a fantastic coupon) will cheer me up. Then off to a 24 hour women's retreat-- also looking forward to that. I can't even remember the last time I went on a retreat like this!
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