faith journeys (the vicarious edition)

Lately I've been feeling low. I've been experiencing chronic fatigue, and more recently some pain and other symptoms, for many months-- really since we got married 8 months ago. I have my theories about what may be wrong, but the couple medical personnel I've seen so far haven't been helpful, so there has seemed to be no answer or relief in sight. (I do have an appointment with a specialist in a week.) Certain parts of my usual normal life have ground to a halt, and there are many things I usually love that I either can't/don't do these days or have no joy in (cooking comes to mind). The list of undone things in my life (housecleaning, phone calls, wedding thank you notes) just piles up. I come home from a 7-hour day at work and it's all I can do to eat dinner, talk to my husband a little bit, and go to bed. Last night I was looking around my messy house, thinking of how much I wanted the energy to clean my house and do so many other things-- and just feeling sad.

I have been feeling discouraged, like I am in survival mode, like much of the joy has drained out of my life and I don't have anything to give to anyone right now. It feels like deep waters-- not in the grand scheme of things (daily news about other parts of the world keeps that in perspective)-- but deep waters for me. Is God still caring for me? My faith is weak.

So, last night I was really encouraged to hear from two people in my life about how God is working, tenderly and powerfully, in their lives. I needed the reminder that God is around, caring, working miracles all the time.

For some reason I couldn't sleep, so I was up at 11 when my mom sent an email describing three recent "God sightings" in her life. The events were small, but I understand why they were so important. Things like having the earring my brother gave her as a child turn up in a most unaccountable way, after it had been presumed lost. Stuff with God's fingerprints and care all over it.

Then at 11:30 my phone rang, and it was my best friend, telling me that her baby had safely come into the world, through a home birth no less, and on the day that for various reasons she really had to come. (Welcome to the world, Shalom Lindy Lael!) Not only that, but God has really taken care of them in super-special ways. My friend had to deliver in a town several hours from where they live, and none of her family could be there to help her during the birth. I wanted to drop everything and go-- but I knew I couldn't at this juncture. I felt so bad, thinking about her and her husband with 3 small kids and one on the way, and no one to help. But God sent a family they didn't even know, with 5 kids of their own and a 15 passenger van, to befriend them and serve them in so many ways. I cried hearing about it-- that God had met their need in such a way. Now they just have to buy a vehicle to replace the two vehicles that have died in the 3 weeks they've been waiting for the baby in this other town (well, and move out of the rental house by noon today-- that was why the baby, who was late, really needed to come yesterday.) This all seems to be in a day's work for my friend-- have a baby, buy a car, move houses-- but pray for them if you can.

Anyway, the point is that I am glad I have people around to share their God sightings, because it builds my faith and hope. God is with us, period.

Pictures!

I have finally at long last managed to upload a bunch of pictures to a Picasa album. And more to come, when I get around to it. You can access them through clicking on the nifty slideshow on the right.

The most recent pictures are from our wonderful trip on Saturday up to Rockport. J and I take turns planning dates-- one month it's his turn, the next mine. It's really fun because we get to plan surprises, as well as receive them. He planned this month's date, and I really had no idea where we were going. We got on the train (one of the commuter rails) and went all the way to the end of the line, which ended up being Rockport, a beautiful little fishing village that is now a beautiful little tourist spot. Lots of art galleries and boutique shops. We ate hot dogs (see menu in the pictures!), got coffee, walked around in the sparkling sunny day, and enjoyed the beautiful ocean views all around. J bought a $4 kite which actually flew-- see pictures. It was a really great day.

music from Mozambique

I have cried a couple times today over Africa. First, when I heard that a good friend in Africa had hit and killed a child with his car. This friend has already gone through so much, and now this? I am heartsick.

But this article brought tears to my eyes because it is happy and hopeful, and made me think of an American friend who is laboring in the same part of Mozambique. Mozambique is so broken. So when this musician says, "People need this music so when their spirit is hungry they will come to it," it brings tears to my eyes.

Mozambican Singer Wins Prize for Strong Songs on Taboo Topics (Washington Post, 22 April 2008)

Africa news: the bad, the good, and the ugly

Zimbabwe is breaking my heart these days. Two weeks ago the news was so hopeful-- it looked like they had had a free and fair election, and Mugabe was finally going to step down and let the work of rebuilding the country begin. How naive. Here's today's Washington Post story. The news really is worse by the day.

Preparing for the Worst in Zimbabwe: Opposition Faces Violent Reprisals After Election Wins

Here's something considerably more hopeful (and much more fun), from Charity:Water, one of the coolest save-the-world campaigns I know: http://www.charitywater.org/mailings/psa.htm

And to return to maybe the saddest subject of all, I saw the Congolese doctor who is repairing rape victims in eastern DRC speak on Tues, so I'll add a link to the same article (about him) that I posted a few months ago. The article says it all. The amazing thing to me (at the Tues event) was that Harvard is setting up all these research projects and teams to "study" the question of why hundreds of thousands of women are being raped in violent, horrible ways as an act of war (but in a "war" with no real objective or sides)... but (of course) no one in that group had a clue why men were doing this or how to stop it. This is the kind of pure, chilling, pathological evil that seems to drive people away from believing in God-- but from my point of view it should be driving people towards God. What else but an infinitely loving, healing, powerful, and good God is ever going to change those men, or restore those women? The Congolese doctor had a very interesting comment-- I was sure he was a Christian (well, I think the article says so) but nothing spiritual was ever discussed, except this one little comment he slipped in at the end, basically that those women who keep asking God why this has happened to them do not heal, but the ones who come close to God and believe that He is with them do heal. Good luck, Harvard, ever figuring out how to heal these women, without the loving presence of God.

Here's the article: Women left for dead—and the man who’s saving them

(Oh, and on an entirely frivolous note, I was somewhat disappointed with Aujourd'hui. Some of the food was spectacular, but they were into these tiny fancy portions, so that my four large seared scallops that were supposed to come with pasta actually came with exactly four tiny bow-ties. And my tarte tatin for dessert, by far the most disappointing, was "deconstructed" to the point that it was actually four chunks of apple, a little cinnamon sauce, a little strip of pastry balanced like a teeter totter on the apples, and two thimble-sized scoops of ice cream. I wanted to say, "What is this?" Who could possibly want a dessert like that over a nice big caramelized slice of apple tart that you can really sink your fork into, especially when one is paying $12 for it? It seems I am not as much of a food snob as I thought, but it was really a bit haute haute haute for me.)

a little luxury never hurt anyone

Oh, praise the Lord, I am going to be sitting in the midst of this glorious opulence on Saturday at 7:30 p.m. Aujourd'hui is maybe the fanciest restaurant in Boston, and that is where the editor of First Things (for which I recently wrote an article) is taking some of us writers. "Just a small dinner party," as he says.

I have been salivating over menus (the scallops or the lobster?) and dreaming about the cheese course. J is going to be at home with the Bible study guys, eating pizza and doing whatever guys do when they get together. We both probably think we have the better deal. :)

I'm an evangelical and a liberal. Really.

I was surprised to see a familiar face pop up in today's daily email from Christianity Today. Amy Sullivan lived in the basement apartment of the first place I lived in DC, in 2005. I remember her inviting my roommate and I down once to make Valentines and eat pasta. Here's the CT interview with Amy, and an article I liked even better from the Washington Post (subtitled "I'm an Evangelical and a Liberal. Really.")

Do the Democrats Have a Prayer Yet (Christianity Today, Apr 2008)

How Would Jesus Vote? (Washington Post, 24 Feb 2008)