I was listening to a Danielle Rose song just now (she's a Catholic consecrated layperson who sings like an angel, the song is Give and Take) and she sings about what if God took away her voice, her sight, and the song ends like this.
And if you had to take away my name
And I no longer knew who I was or how I changed
If you took away my breath, or the beating of my heart
If you took away my destiny, if you took my world apart
If this is what you had to do, so that I could be close to You
I'd praise you for the brokenness
I'd give everything up
For I want nothing to stand between our love
It's a simple and powerful song of surrender, and suddenly the words that were in my brain were, "If you had to take away my brain" and I was crying. This is how I feel, I guess. On mornings like this when I know I spent 9 hours in bed but still feel like I haven't slept at all, when I am utterly exhausted, when my brain seems in a deep freeze, in slow motion, not me at all. I struggle to function, to read an article, to write a page, to do my job, and I feel utterly freaked out that I am not up to the task of things I used to be able to do easily. I don't know if I'll ever be myself again, ever have my old brain back, if life will ever return to normal.
I don't mean to whine. I know we all have things we have to give up. And we all need the call to surrender and be weak so that we can find our strength in Him. I'm not sure I really know how this works.
Okay, I'm at nearly 10 minutes. Gotta go.
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