faith journeys (the vicarious edition)

Lately I've been feeling low. I've been experiencing chronic fatigue, and more recently some pain and other symptoms, for many months-- really since we got married 8 months ago. I have my theories about what may be wrong, but the couple medical personnel I've seen so far haven't been helpful, so there has seemed to be no answer or relief in sight. (I do have an appointment with a specialist in a week.) Certain parts of my usual normal life have ground to a halt, and there are many things I usually love that I either can't/don't do these days or have no joy in (cooking comes to mind). The list of undone things in my life (housecleaning, phone calls, wedding thank you notes) just piles up. I come home from a 7-hour day at work and it's all I can do to eat dinner, talk to my husband a little bit, and go to bed. Last night I was looking around my messy house, thinking of how much I wanted the energy to clean my house and do so many other things-- and just feeling sad.

I have been feeling discouraged, like I am in survival mode, like much of the joy has drained out of my life and I don't have anything to give to anyone right now. It feels like deep waters-- not in the grand scheme of things (daily news about other parts of the world keeps that in perspective)-- but deep waters for me. Is God still caring for me? My faith is weak.

So, last night I was really encouraged to hear from two people in my life about how God is working, tenderly and powerfully, in their lives. I needed the reminder that God is around, caring, working miracles all the time.

For some reason I couldn't sleep, so I was up at 11 when my mom sent an email describing three recent "God sightings" in her life. The events were small, but I understand why they were so important. Things like having the earring my brother gave her as a child turn up in a most unaccountable way, after it had been presumed lost. Stuff with God's fingerprints and care all over it.

Then at 11:30 my phone rang, and it was my best friend, telling me that her baby had safely come into the world, through a home birth no less, and on the day that for various reasons she really had to come. (Welcome to the world, Shalom Lindy Lael!) Not only that, but God has really taken care of them in super-special ways. My friend had to deliver in a town several hours from where they live, and none of her family could be there to help her during the birth. I wanted to drop everything and go-- but I knew I couldn't at this juncture. I felt so bad, thinking about her and her husband with 3 small kids and one on the way, and no one to help. But God sent a family they didn't even know, with 5 kids of their own and a 15 passenger van, to befriend them and serve them in so many ways. I cried hearing about it-- that God had met their need in such a way. Now they just have to buy a vehicle to replace the two vehicles that have died in the 3 weeks they've been waiting for the baby in this other town (well, and move out of the rental house by noon today-- that was why the baby, who was late, really needed to come yesterday.) This all seems to be in a day's work for my friend-- have a baby, buy a car, move houses-- but pray for them if you can.

Anyway, the point is that I am glad I have people around to share their God sightings, because it builds my faith and hope. God is with us, period.